Leaving, On A Jet Plane

So, we have managed to fly out tonight from Pago Pago. I write to you all from 30,000 feet, about one hour outside American Samoa, and heading to a US state for the first time since January.

A lot of mixed feelings. On the one hand, relief. Relief to be getting off the island. Relief to be leaving behind the perpetual madness that is American Samoa, and specifically the madness that is currently under way. The looting, the rubble, the dust, the destruction.

And yet, at the same time, it is odd because this doesn’t feel like the best time to leave. There are real needs here that can be fairly overwhelming, and I know Katrina feels in some way responsible to her patients. But the “responsibility” she feels is not one birthed out of guilt. No, she has developed a very real love for her patients. She’s been frantically calling the ones she’s had phone numbers for, just making sure they’re OK. This is part of the deep respect I have for her--she truly cares about her patients, in all aspects of their lives. A rare quality indeed. And so it feels weird. How can any doctor leave on a night like this? A night when the needs are so many.

Look, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been dying to get off this island for quite awhile now. And in some ways, our departure couldn’t come at a better time for us: our village will be without electricity for probably a month, the mess of the island is intense, and the rebuilding effort hasn’t even really begun at all. There’s just the dichotomy of wanting to leave, and wanting to stay. In many ways, that is perhaps the necessary tension at this point. Our trip home had been planned for quite some time now, and we could not have easily moved our plane tickets, our hotel reservations, our wedding date, etc. So I am personally not regretting the decision to leave as planned, it’s just that we live in this tension. This necessary tension.

Over the course of the next few posts, I’ll try to share some of the stories we’ve heard. The stories of survival, and the stories of loss.

Sorry it’s been a little while since my last update. I hope it will be easier to stay in touch over the next few days. Now then, on to Honolulu, and then Seattle.

Fa’afetai lava,

mark